


i started all the wars

by harleyandpeter (orphan_account)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s01e05 Bloody Mary, Episode: s03e11 Mystery Spot, Episode: s03e16 No Rest for the Wicked, Episode: s04e21 When the Levee Breaks, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, but this is like 1.5 years old, sorry skskks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 03:59:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16526879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/harleyandpeter
Summary: Sam Winchester thinks about bad cases, and everything that became after them.





	i started all the wars

**Author's Note:**

> this is vv old and sucks vv much (according to me but you might not want to trust me)

Smash.

That's 7 years of bad luck.

Smash.

That's 7 more years of bad luck.

Smash smash.

14 years.

Smash.

7.

Smash smash.

14.

Smash smash smash.

21.

It never ends.

He never stops hearing thuds against wood, shattering of glass, the cries as the bar rips his skin and blood drops down it, the cries as he trips and brings his palms onto the floor, slicing his hand open as the bar clatters down beside him.

He never stops getting back up, gripping the crowbar in his hand as he brings it down on yet another mirror, shattering one in the thousands in the house, destroying a key to his death.

Once, he turned and Mary was in the mirror, staring at him, so he brought he bar down, destroying it, excitement running through him as he thinks  _I killed Bloody Mary!_

But he hears Mary's laughter, cackle, come from all directions, from every mirror, and dread courses through his body, knocking the excitement out, filling him with the one emotion as he grips the crowbar and raises it high, then smashes it onto yet another mirror, starting the vicious cycle filled with pain and blood and cuts and screams and cries over and over again.

He never stops smashing them, the sound of shattering filling the air.

• • •

Sam can't stand to hear Asia in the car anymore.

Sam can't hear the word Tuesday without feeling sick.

He can't stand to be in a hotel on Tuesdays either. They have to be in the impala, moving, with no one close to restart the day.

He can't stand to hear  _heat of the moment_ together, even if they aren't talking about the song.

He can't wake up in the morning without thinking  _Is Dean alive? Did he die yesterday?_

If there is a case in that town, they will not go to it. Not now, not ever.

If there is a case about a mystery spot, they don't do it.

Dean never got why they didn't do certain cases, never brought it up.

• • •

Sam cried in that room.

He leaned over Deans body and cried, blood soaking his shirt and pants, covering his hands as he hugged Dean, like he could save him.

Like he could reverse what Lilith did.

Like Ruby could come and reverse it, bringing Dean back from Hell.

Like she could stop him from hearing Dean screaming his name.

• • •

He feels so much pain in the panic room, being tortured in his head as he comes down from the demon blood.

As he gets tortured in his own mind, blood pouring out as he screams, feeling bones breaking and bones dislocating, making him unable to get the water and untie himself, until the next person comes, torturing him, screwing him over, destroying his mind.

And he knows Dean and Bobby can hear him, so he tries to be quiet, but they don't want him to be quiet so they dig harder, cut deeper, and he screams louder, louder than before.

And when he stops making noise, being flung around the room and Dean and Bobby pull him down, he keeps screaming in his mind, his younger self with yellow eyes staring at him, repeating the same words over and over as Dean keeps saying Sam doesn't deserve to be his brother since he's a monster. Sam starts screaming in real life as Dean and Bobby tie him down, as Dean and Bobby shut the door, as they start over again, blood spilling into the floor and staining it, marking the floor that he was tortured there, that people bested him there.

That he was weaker than his brother.


End file.
